| Funny how the things that we run from or pretend that don't exist are the things that bite us in the ass in the end.... |
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| Haven't updated in a while....
Sitting here in my room procrastinating on my paper. Anyway, went to New York for Spring Break and it was a lot of fun. Bummed that I missed Rent and didn't get to do as much shopping as I wanted to but just means that I have to go back right? I have had a lot on my mind lately and can't seem to convince myself that things are alright because in the end, I don't feel that things are alright. I can't explain it. Oh well, more important things to worry about. Back to the paper.... |
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| It is the little compliments that can make my day... |
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| There has been a lot on my mind the past couple of days. I believe that I am full of contradictions right now that I can't seem to unravel. For example, I am happy being single but then I see my friends with their boyfriends and I feel lonely, like I am missing out on something amazing. At the same time, I feel like I don't want that because it just adds a lot of stress to an already stressful life.
It is weird how I can be so happy one minute and so unsure of myself the next. I know that overall my life is pretty good. I have a loving family, great friends and I can afford to do a lot of things that I want. I think that I just don't feel emotionally fullfilled. A lot of my friends don't get along and that is hard. There are times where I wish that I could hang out with all of my friends at once but I am forced to choose who to spend time with.
I think that I have come to the point where I feel that no one understands me. As close as I am to my friends and family, I don't think that anyone can understand what I am going through and that is frustrating. There is no one there who can honestly say "I have been through that also" and I long for someone who can tell me that. I dunno what it would do for me but maybe just knowing someone who has been through the same thing would help.
Anyway, don't worry, I am not totally depressed or anything like that, I just needed somewhere to vent my thoughts so that maybe I can sort through them and make some sense of them. If you read this, thanks for being a great friend to me. I appreciate it and I hope that you stay my friend because I need as many friends as possible at this point. |
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| I figure that it is time for a new entry since the new year has come and gone and I have yet to write anything. Still have a few more days at home to relax before heading back to school. This past year was definitely an emotional roller coaster ride as every year is but I have to admit that this year brought me to the place where I am right now and although my jaw is still sore from having all four wisdoms pulled and I am the inability to everything that I want, I am happy. I always want(ed) to be popular and know a lot of people but for the first time tonight I felt secure in knowing that I have solid friendships that I can rely on. I know that I should call a lot more people and that I should work more on staying in touch but when it comes down to it, everything happens for a reason. I was really excited that I got to talk to and see as many people as I did this break and that me and my closest friends are still really close. To those of you that have stuck by me, I appreciate it. You have been there when I needed you the most and for that I am greatful. I always seem to find something to worry about in the future or in the present but for now I realize that I am happy not having any significant other that I have to please. I am finally at peace and it is a wonderful feeling. |
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